Kaeyla Noble
Philosophy 101 (2021-2022)
There’s something so disheartening when you realize you’ve been taught your whole life to be small, smile more, and don’t wear that – it’s distracting. My mom would always tell my sister and I to be aware of our surroundings when we’d go out with our friends but tell my brother to have fun when he’d do the same. Given my sister’s interest in fashion she started experimenting with various kinds of clothes to which my mom and dad told her on multiple occasions, “you’re just putting the wrong message forward honey, that’s all.” It didn’t become clear to me that my existence as a woman was a “problem” until I was in court, and it was his word verse mine. During closing statements, the defense attorney described me as “insane and confused” while falsely retelling what had happened. After going through that I was hyperaware of how being a woman effected my opportunities, my lifestyle, and my mindset. As I kept pushing myself to understand the complexity of the situation, I started having a hard time articulating what it was like to be a woman with these issues. It wasn’t until I read Simone De Beauvoir’s philosophy that it became a lot easier to articulate my thoughts and feelings surrounding my existence as a woman.
Just recently I was having a dinner with some friends to celebrate a birthday. A photo of a woman was shown around the table and comments were made about how the way she was posing was inappropriate. I spoke up and started challenging the way they were speaking about this woman, and most of the men around the table continued to say, “she still shouldn’t do things that like this if she doesn’t want to be sexualized.” Within Simone De Beauvoir’s philosophy she goes on to talk about how a woman can’t simply define herself because it was men who were speaking and defining woman for so long. She writes, “And she is simply what man decrees; thus, she is called “the sex,” by which is meant that she appears essentially to the male as sexual being. For him she is sex – absolute sex, no less,” (1179). There I am at this table with men trying to explain to me this concept that only proves what Simone De Beauvoir is explaining. Every attempt I tried to make to stand up for this woman was mute because each of them were defining this woman’s intentions, being, and existence. This isn’t the only place I’ve experienced Simone De Beauvoir’s philosophy and it has even helped me redefine my own sense of knowledge and being.
Before COVID hit, I was talking to a guy who I was convinced I was going to date – let’s call him Tyler. However, the more I talked to Tyler the more I found myself ignoring things that in other circumstances would’ve prevented me from pursuing him further. After being mistreated over and over I continued to think highly of him, but through that process I started letting go of my own worth. It ultimately resulted in a heartbreak that continues to hurt to this day. After I got my heart broken, I started telling myself this narrative that included everything he was and everything I wasn’t. Once I read Simone De Beauvoir’s philosophy on The Second Sex it became so clear to me just how damaging my inner narrative was. She writes, “…for man represents both the positive and the neutral, as is indicated by the common use of man to designate human beings in general; whereas woman represents only the negative, defined by limiting criteria, without reciprocity,” (1179). My initial response to her philosophy was complete agreeance, but it was only men that did this to woman. Once I thought about it more, I became aware of how I think about myself like this as well. When thinking about this heartbreak I always described myself as lacking something to try to explain why he did what he did. I would describe him as caring and describe myself as stupid for not leaving. My sense of being was tied around this idea that he was amazing and there was something wrong with me. Simone De Beauvoir changed that through her The Second Sex philosophy in more way than one too.
Growing up I fell in love with Disney movies. I loved the classic prince charming saves the princess story line that ultimately every Disney movie at the time had. In high school it went as far as me calling my now ex-boyfriend a prince when he would go out of his way to do something for me. Simone De Beauvoir continues her The Second Sex philosophy by talking about how a group that names themselves the one must also create a other. She writes, “Thus it is that no group ever sets itself up as the One without at once setting up the Other over against itself…In small-town eyes all persons not belonging to the village are “strangers” and suspect,” (1180). The problem with the prince and princess narrative that Disney capitalized on is that the women are depicted as these helpless beings that need to be saved by specifically men.
As a young girl I consumed a lot of content that romanticized men and how they saved women, but never realized how much it was affect my relationships in the future. Tyler specifically had helped through a tough time, but I gave him so much credit for my own growth that Simone De Beauvoir has now helped me realize I didn’t need saving. Prior to reading Simone De Beauvoir philosophy I understood what being a woman meant, and how it is a “problem”. Her philosophy not only resonated with me, but also took my prior knowledge of what it meant to be a woman and redefined it.
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